I got married about 15 years ago. At the time I got married, I had all these grand ideas and dreams of what I wanted to do with my life as per career and work. But after I got married, I realized that living my dreams may not be as easy and straightforward as I assumed it will be. My husband was just starting to set up his business and needed all the help he could get from me most especially. I realized that going off in search of my dream at this point will bring a lot of friction into my home and will definitely negatively impact on my husband’s struggle.
I felt bad. I felt confused. I felt lost.
I turned to God in prayers. What do I do? How do I fix this without messing up my new home? How do I strike a balance between my husband’s dreams and struggle and mine? I prayed and prayed. Eventually, it hit me – “Devote some time to help your husband and his business find their footing and then you take off with what you hope to achieve. That way, everyone wins”.
I called my husband and brought this before him. I told him all I had in mind for me, where I hoped to be. I told him I understood that he needed me to help him and that I would. But I need him to understand it wouldn’t be forever. I would do this for some years and then go off to do my thing. He asked how long I was with him for I told him I would ride with him and his business till I am 40. (I was 27 at the time). He agreed and somehow, I felt so much lighter! Making that decision helped me put things in perspective and also helped me stop the constant worrying and instead, look and plan ahead.
So I put my dreams in a cooler while I dedicated the 1st 5 years to my husband, my growing family and the business. After this time, to the glory of God, the business had started to steady, I started working on myself – reading up about owning a school (which had been my dream), Writing articles, writing for a book i intended to one day publish, and generally working at improving myself. I still helped out with the business but the shop didn’t require my 24/7 attention like it used to.
On my 40th birthday, I launched my book “Marriage – God’s beautiful design”. It was a huge success as I had put in so many years of experience and learnings into the book. A few months after, I began my school. This is 2 years of the existence of my school and we are growing in leaps and bounds.
So all in all, I didn’t miss out of so much in those 13 years and sacrificed to my husband’s business. If anything, it helped bring us closer together and gave me time to develop myself properly for the journey ahead. I made that sacrifice, and today, I am happier and feel more fulfilled because of it.
So I encourage every woman who may be feeling dejected because her dreams seem to have taken a back seat to her husband’s – don’t see this time as a waste. Instead, use it to develop yourself as you help your husband. Then set a target for when you will break out and do your own thing. Discuss this with your husband – no reasonable human being will refuse this sort of sacrifice.
(Story by N.M)