All married couples want a beautiful marriage. All, with no exception. No one goes into marriage hoping for an awful time. Everyone who decides to take the vows with someone else hopes and prays for bliss with that person, forever. But, unfortunately, many people do not find this bliss that they were looking forward to. Many marriages struggle so badly that studies show a whooping 50% of marriages ending in divorce. This is a staggering statistic, one that we wouldn’t want any of our friends, families or readers to be a part of, if we can help it.
The truth is that, a beautiful marriage is possible; when the 2 people in that marriage are willing to make their marriage work. No human is perfect, and when two individuals who are imperfect come together, there, definitely comes the possibility for misunderstanding. If care is not taken, these misunderstanding may eventually lead to the death of that marriage.
And in doing our bit to help curb this menace, we invited a family-life practitioner, Ogechukwu Nzewi as our guest on Wivesroundtable Radio Show, to discuss “Common Mistakes Couple Make in Marriage”. This is to help give couples some bit of insight to some things they may be doing without knowing that it is negatively affecting their relationships
Here are some major mistakes people make in marriage.
1. Thinking your partner should see things the way you see it. Couples are two different people coming together to form a nation. They are from different backgrounds and they have different views to live and issues. That you are now married doesn’t mean you will both automatically see things the same way.
Birthdays are big deals where Ogechukwu is from. There must be cake, lots of picture and everything beautiful that comes with birthdays. While birthdays are just like every other day where her husband is from. Now see the difference in how birthdays are celebrated. From this example, you can see that, even after marriage, the other person would not suddenly adjust to the way his/her spouse celebrates birthdays. The understanding that couples are from totally different worlds would help them to better navigate their marriage in spite of their differences and not seek to force their own way of life on the other person. This way, couples can help each other adjust to their new reality as a new nation. They can work together to drop the template and way of reasoning borne from their families of origin and work towards building their own new template, together.
2. Making assumptions without clarification. Sometimes, couples make assumptions that are untrue without asking their partner to confirm if their assumptions are right or not. They just go ahead and deal with their partner based on what they have assumed. Meanwhile, their partner might be wondering why they are giving attitude? Assumption is the assassin of relationship! That you are thinking or feeling something doesn’t mean it is true. Ask questions to get clarifications rather than just assume.
3. Comparing spouses and the marriage of others to theirs. Many marriages have problems because couples keep comparing the marriage of others to theirs and comparing the spouses of others to their own spouse. This puts the marriage under unnecessary pressure and the spouse that is being compared begins to feel inadequate. This spouse may even start to pretend to be what he/she is not just because they are trying to please you. This is very unhealthy for your marriage and would cause friction in your marriage. Also, there are so many things you don’t see in the marriage of those with whom you’re comparing your marriage. People only show you what they want you to see, most times, not what actually is! Stop comparing your production process to the finished products of others. Enjoy every moment with your spouse and don’t ruin because of what you think others have and you don’t have.
4. Not loving your spouse the way they want to be loved. For this to happen, you have to understand the love language of your spouse. When you do, it becomes easy for you to speak their love language. If your spouse’s love language is ‘acts of service’ for instance, buying your spouse gifts may not suffice. Try to observe your spouse’s love language and always pay attention to your spouse’s needs. Love your spouse how they want to be loved, not how you think they should be loved.
Marriage is beautiful, let’s do our best not destroy its beauty due to mistakes that could have been avoided.
Here’s a toast to love and happy homes. Watch the radio show as recorded live on our YouTube channel .