It is no news that some men prefer to have their wives stay at home while they go out to work and provide for the family. However, not all wives love to stay at home. In fact, a lot of women would love to work and earn their own money. How do you work around not being able to work as a wife despite the strong desire to do so?
Mr. Clement, a family life practitioner, helped shed some light on this question while discussing with us on Wivesroundtable radio show. According to Mr. Clement, a man stopping his wife from working, happens for a number of reasons. He shared some of them below;
A lot of couples are coming from different background and they have different mindsets. For instance, if a man has worked in an organization where a woman who is the boss, exercised too much control over others in the office, he may as a result of this experience choose not to let his wife work, for fear of being controlled by his wife. If when growing up, he witnessed his working class mum act the same way, lording over everyone at home including his father, he may feel his mum did that because she works and earns good money. It may even be because the man has seen his friend whose mum became rude to his dad because he works and earns more than her husband.
A woman who also experienced seeing her mum being oppressed because she had no source of income would want to work and have her own money so that she does not experience the same thing her mother experienced because she never made her own money. A woman who has this experience would not want to be a full-time housewife.
Although some people believe that a man should be the sole provider in the family. As a result of this, some men prefer to work and provide while their wives stay at home to take care of the house chores and the children. Some men also believe that the woman staying at home is the measure of their capability. So to them, they have to show they are capable by making sure their wives do not have a source of income apart from what they provide for the family.
What can the wife do in this case?
What needs to happen is that, the wife should sit and discuss with her husband why she desires to serve. Make him understand that sitting at home makes you feel insignificant and redundant, if that is how you feel. Let him know that you desire to put all the things you have learnt in school to work. If staying at home makes you get bored, also make it known to your husband.
If you are passionate about what you want to do, you can talk to the person he respects and holds in high esteem, this can make him change his decision and give you the permission to go ahead and do the work you desire. You can also buy him books as gifts, books that would help him grow mentally and positively influence his mindset. Everyone acts based on his or her mindset.
You can also start doing something from home. Although, these things may require learning a new skill. Make sure you get yourself productive while you are home alone. We have seen a woman who started sewing from home after she learnt how to make female wears, and as her business kept growing, her husband decided to rent a shop for her. This was a man who didn’t want his wife to work. But after seeing her dedication to her work and how far she has grown from a business the started from the house, he decided to support her. Thank God for social media, you can start a business online without stepping out of your house. As long as you are willing to take it one step at a time, you will achieve that goal you so much desire.
A word for the husband.
Husband and wife are supposed to come together to help each other fulfill their purpose. As for the husband, when you support your wife, it is for the benefit of the entire family. You should not come into a person’s life and box her. If your wife works, it helps her gain some level of experience and exposure and this would make her add more value to the family and also assist you when you need work related ideas. Marriage is about two people coming together to form a nation of their own. Why would you want your nation to be a nation of one resource when you can have more resources? If something happens to that one resource that provides income for the family, that becomes a problem everyone has to bear.
Together, couples can help each other fulfill purpose and actualize their individual dreams. We hope this helps a woman who desires to work and pursue her dreams. Remember to share.